Restless

Posted on Sun Apr 12th, 2020 @ 2:14pm by Lieutenant JG Matthew Plumeri

1,405 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Episode 106 – Stalemate
Location: USS Endeavor - Deck Four - Junior Officer's Quarters
Timeline: MD02 - 2340 hours

[ON:]

It was late. Matthew was alone. The perfect time for an anxiety attack.

Lieutenant JG Matthew Plumeri lay awake in his bed. He lay on his back looking up at the ceiling, lost in thought. He had been that way for…who knows how long? Minutes? Perhaps thirty-minutes or so. And his mind, unsettled and busy would not let him sleep. He pulled the sheet away and slid his feet to the floor. He put his elbows on his knees and took long slow breaths. But nothing worked. He got up and went to the oval window in his quarters and looked out…the inside of the starbase. There was no way in hell he was going to sickbay for an ‘anxiety attack’. Besides, he knew enough from previous counseling sessions that this was just his mind playing tricks on him.

He felt homesick. He couldn’t shake that feeling easily. He reminded himself that it was “just” a feeling. He tried to remember what a previous Vulcan roommate had taught him, about taking slower breaths until the feelings of ‘flight’ passed. He tried; Matt really tried. Recycled air, replicated food, sonic showers the continual beeps and chirps from the technology that surrounded him. Keeping him both alive and a prisoner. His roommates were on shift and so the shared cabin was empty. He put on a t-shirt, loose and comfortable and sweatpants and left his quarters. Maybe the gym?

Walking felt good. Matt didn’t have a destination in mind, it just felt good to walk. It felt good to use the Jeffries tubes to climb from deck to deck. He walked the length of each deck and it helped. But it wasn’t enough. He found himself standing outside of Astrometrics on deck seven. He hesitated and then entered the lab.

There was only one person here. Busy working, analyzing data and running scans. The crewman greeted him and asked him if there was anything he wanted. Matt politely inquired as to what project was running and what were the results? After listening he declined the offer of help and simply said that he was out for a walk. Seeing that he was a fifth wheel here, he excused himself and left the lab.

The doors swished closed behind him and he walked slowly towards the Callisto Bar. He paused, even as lonely as he was, he decided not to enter. A few people were there and he felt like it would be good to even just sit at a table. Even just be there even if he would sit alone at a table. It was so difficult to be surrounded by people and still feel so isolated. A counselor had cautioned him that this would be perhaps one of his greater struggles. Integrating into Starfleet meant that every culture was represented. And not everyone was as sociable or as amicable to making friends. It was a challenge and he had worked on it for so long. Fontalans were very sociable and formed relationships easily. But it wasn’t always so easy to form the kind of friendship and relationship that he needed. Communities on Fontalis were large. They were tight knit. One might even call them “tribal” although that word was laced with negative connotations. Communal was perhaps a bit more to the spirit. No, not tonight. He passed the bar and left it behind. Nor would he go to the observation lounge and stare out the window.

Then, quite by accident, he found himself outside Holodeck Two. He stood there a moment, surprised. Hesitated a moment and then reached out and touched the LCARS panel. It came to life and the computer asked, ”Please enter program.”

Matt replied, “Is there anyone using the holodeck now?”

The machine answered, ”Negative.”

He asked again, “When is the next scheduled user session?”

”The next scheduled reservation for holodeck two is at 0200 hours. Three hours, eleven minutes from now.”

Plumeri nodded and then asked, haltingly and with great pain, his voice quiet, “Show me home? Please?”

The computer replied with three negative beeps, ”Insufficient data. Please specify parameters.”

He took his hand away from the panel and took a breath as a crewman passed. He looked away so as not to meet her gaze. After a moment he returned to the display. This time he looked at the directory and quite to his dismay the holodeck library didn’t have much from Fontalis loaded. He searched for “Fontalis” and came across a copy of the signing of the Provisional Membership Charter Agreement. The signing ceremony when his Majesty’s government and the Federation’s diplomatic envoy put pen to paper and ratified the provisional membership document. Some sixty-years before Matthew was even born. Matt selected that program.

”Program complete. Enter when ready.” The doors to the holodeck parted and he stepped inside.

Fontalis – Sixty Years Ago – Holodeck Two

It was a bright, sunny, gorgeous day on Fontalis. Temple Piazza, a large outdoor area that was directly outside of the, oldest and the largest of the ‘Sacred Seven’ temples. Templi di Possiamo in Serse, the Fontalan capital. Large monitors had been erected around the square and everyone had packed into it to see the historic event. Matthew just stood in the crowd and breathed. The salty air from the sea; he could smell. The incense smoldering in the censers from the temple. The energy of the people pressing all around him. His native tongue: he could hear. He let the energy of the crowd wash over him and carry him into the square. Everyone was so excited! People put their arms around each other in celebration. The sound of songs, the sound of dance and music like a salve; it soothed him. “Home” he said to himself.

“Thank you!” he breathed to himself.

There were a few speeches by the Federation folks. Starfleet made a speech, the Federation’s Envoy and a representative from the Federation Office of the President welcoming the people, at least under a provisional status, to the United Federation of Planets. There was a pause and a general hush from the crowd.

The King got to his feet and stood at the dais. The man was known for his long talks. But today he said only sixteen words. Just sixteen: “Per i piccoli esseri, come noi, la vastità dello spazio interstellare è sopportabile solo attraverso l'amore.”

Which when translated into Standard says: “For small creatures, such as we, the vastness of interstellar space is bearable only through love.”

Then the King signed the charter and there was such a roar from the crowd a cheer went up. So mighty it was that it seemed to shake the air around them and even the ground. And everyone celebrated with such happiness.

Matthew stayed in that crowd for a while. Just walking among the holograms felt good. Even if the connections were artificial, he was wired to be connected. When the sun went down, and the celebrations moved indoors he went to the great steps that led to the entrance to the Temple. There, he found a place that was quieter and where he could see the stars. His stars, the stars that were of the skies he knew. The constellations of familiar shapes and familiar stories. He laid his head against a marble pillar near the side of the steps and looked up in the sky. This was all there was for this program. It seemed to end abruptly. The gridlines and holographic projectors rematerialized.

HOLODECK TWO

”Program complete” the computer announced.

Matt stood to his feet and felt better after indulging in a little homesickness. In a few hours he would have to do his first real duty shift in four days. Everyone was so busy; there was no time to see anyone or do anything. Matt went back to his quarters feeling tired now. Calmer and more centered.

Back in his quarters, he stripped off the t-shirt, pulled off the sweatpants and kicked off the flip-flops and slid back into the bed. The coolness of the sheets against his bare abdomen felt so good. It would be time to get up in five hours. Finally, sleep came.

[OFF:]

LTJG. Matthew Plumeri
Science Officer/Historian
USS Endeavor
NCC-72802

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