morning after the night before

Posted on Sat Aug 31st, 2019 @ 3:31pm by Lieutenant Commander Carolyn Corrigan MD & Commander Hades,MD

2,740 words; about a 14 minute read

Mission: Episode 99 - Exordium / Epilogue
Location: Kitty O’shea
Timeline: MD2 0630 hours

Black coffee.

As soon as you entered the bar, the smell hit you like a fright train as Liam O'Connor brewed a fresh pot. Smothering a yawn, he checked the time as he set out two fresh cups. 0630 hours.

Outside the Promenade was beginning to come alive and in just a few hours it would be bustling with activity. For now it was still relatively quiet.

Rescuing the coffee before it burned, he filled both cups and made his way towards the far corner of the bar where his guest was sitting at the antiquated piano. It was older than time itself and he was amazed she could actually coax something from it. He didn’t recognise the piece of music but it sounded far better than anything he could have attempted. Knowing it from somewhere but unable to place it...

“Coffee,” he announced as he set down both cups on a nearby table. Kitty, he knew, would be arriving soon and he wasn’t quite sure how to explain how he had ended up back in the bar - after closing time - with a girl in tow. Naturally, his aunt would assume the worst.

Although if he was going to get on Kitty’s bad side, he’d do it for this one. Hell, he’d almost gotten in a fight over her already.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, listening as the coffee got cold. He became a little lost in the music, half asleep in his seat when a plate loaded with food appeared in front of him.

He had expected shouting. A slap to the back of his head. Being told to pack.

He didn’t expect to be fed.

He turned to say thank you but Kitty was already disappearing back into her kitchen as some of the morning shift got ready for anyone coming in for breakfast. How had he missed everyone coming in? There used to be a day when nothing got the drop on him. Some marine he'd be now.

Eyeing the plate he got up, hand outstretched as he drew nearer the piano, “come on. Food.”

The music stopped at once, a deafening silence falling. Taking his hand, Carolyn let him pull her to her feet and as she sat down at the table, she took a bite out of a slice of toast to help silence her growling stomach. Cold, she pulled Liam's jacket tighter, the garment covering far more of her than her dress did.

He grinned, shaking his head. When she looked up at him he waved away the question he saw in her eyes. “Nothing. More toast?”

Carolyn shook her head, feeling distinctly ill as she eyed the plate of food sitting before her. More calories than half a dozen people needed. And she didn't much appreciate whatever hammer had bashed her on the head to give her the headache from hell.

“I can’t believe you are still a functioning human being,” Liam admitted, his tone of voice clearly meaning it as a compliment starting to eat. “Considering there isn’t a pick on you... must have hollow legs!”

“It was not that much,” she said defensively. In truth, she didn't know as she could not remember anything beyond the fourth round of drinks which had only been about an hour or so into the night. Yesterday had been intense in its own way. And it was just more things on top of too much already simmering away.

Thankfully Hades had told her to take a few days before she returned to duty. Which was a blessing. Although she didn't agree it was needed. He needed the rest more than she did. Although he had at least promised to get some sleep and spend time with Kalani. He was even take a day off. It was being widely hailed as a miracle.

"Carolyn?"

"Yes?" she asked, making a face as she took a drink and realised the coffee was stone cold. Perhaps it was Karma.

Liam pointed to the floor, "not to say it is an indicator of having had too much to drink but you aren't wearing any shoes."

"Oh..." she said, looking down at her bare feet as she stood up, looking around her. "Huh. Pretty sure I had shoes when I got to the club..."

Hades stopped into the bar to pick up coffee and a breakfast platter. He didn't feel much like replicated food. His eggs and toast were ready as was his coffee. He'd seen the schedule for today and he was to be off but Doc Thomas had come down with Bulab flu which was nasty so he been called in. He picked up his items and was about to leave, heading for sickbay, when he noticed Carolyn standing there in an oversized jacket rumpled clothing and no shoes. There was a light scent of alcohol that lingered. "Doctor Corrigan?"

Oh it was definitely Karma. Bad Karma. Hearing that familiar voice, Carolyn bit her lip as she turned around, offering a sheepish wave. “Dr Hades... aren’t you supposed to be off today?”

"Yes I was, Doctor Thomas got sick." He studied her. He wasn't judging but he was starting to worry. He'd let up insisting she see Splendora and counselling but....maybe he should rethink a few things.

“But it was your time with Kalani...” she said, her tone apologetic. Wishing she could own a crystal ball. If she had one, she'd have insisted to be back on that staff rota and then Hades would still be taking time to recover. Not doing more work.

“Hey, people get sick, it happens,” Liam piped up.

"Yes well." He looked at Carolyn. "Young lady where are your shoes? Never mind. Sleep it off and then in my office tomorrow....afternoon." He made it clear that her morning shift was no longer there.

She stared at him, "afternoon? But why? And I lost them -"

"Actually I have them. It's kind of how the whole fight almost star -" Liam told her, before her glare shut him up. Shifting in his seat, head down, he turned his attention to his breakfast.

"Fight?" He sighed, "We shall speak of this tomorrow. I think I may have been too lax with you. I keep seeing you through the eyes of a big brother rather then a department head." He shook his head. "Completely my fault." He'd red her file about self destructive behaviour. She'd told him a bit about what happened on the planet, The sedative use, the giving away shifts so she could drink. She was intelligent, no brilliant yet....self destructive. "I'll leave you to wake up and get through the day." He gave Liam a glare. Probably a bad influence.

Hades turned and headed for the door.

"Hades, wait!" she said as she followed him, her voice breaking a little. Just yesterday he had trusted her with the truth about the Scooby Gang and now .... "Please, can't we talk about this? I'm sure it probably isn't as bad as you might think..."

He stopped and looked down at her feet. "You may want to put your shoes on." Sighing he put his food and coffee on the table and then went and grabbed her shoes which were by Liam. He brought them to her. "Here." He picked up his food again and coffee. "Go home, shower, rest, then we'll talk." He studied her. "Carolyn you are brilliant, and strong, and funny, and so much more then you are allowing yourself to be. I understand self destructive, I lived it. I don't know if I can watch you go down that path."

"That is unfair," she said, a note of anger creeping in to her voice. "One night out... just one night. I maybe had too many drinks -"

"Part of that was his fault," Liam chimed in as he thought of Andy, wishing again that he had punched him out.

"Will you please stop trying to help me?!" Carolyn shouted at Liam in exasperation. She stopped for a second, taking a deep breath. Pulling on her shoes she started to shrug off Liam's jacket and then thought better of it. Hades disapproval was palpable enough. "Please Hades..."

He turned, "My fault?" He wondered at that. "That you will have to explain." He handed her his food and coffee. "Food, coffee, shower and then come and see me."

"He didn't mean it was your fault," Carolyn promised him, taking the food and drink from him. She didn't sound angry anymore, just resigned. "But I'll come find you."

He turned to Liam. "You sir, lead her astray again and you and I will have words." He turned and walked out.


<< Sickbay >>

Approaching Hades' office, Carolyn felt sick to her stomach and it had nothing to do with over indulgence. The only consolation was that she at least looked and felt more like herself. She had, however, refrained from wearing a uniform, instead opting for some jeans and a t-shirt. While she had no doubt that she was about to be in for the lecture of a lifetime, she wasn't walking in here - in uniform - when she had been out all night.

Despite whatever he thought, she had some standards.

Carefully balancing the breakfast she had picked up (to replace the one he had given to her) and her smoothie, she did something she rarely did. She rang the door chime. Although the door to his office was hardly ever locked, and he was expecting her at some point, he had seemed so...

Her thoughts were interrupted as he called for whoever it was to enter. Taking a deep breath she moved inside. "Thank you for breakfast," she said quietly as she set a small paper bag down on his desk. Inside was his exact order, complete with a fresh cup of coffee.

Hades looked at the bag for a moment then turned his eyes on her. "Have a seat."

Sliding into the chair opposite, she ran a hand through her hair and waited. She didn’t know what to say so she said nothing.

He studied her letting the silence stretch. "Alright. Now we will talk. Do you want to start or should I?"

She took a deep breath. “Maybe you should,” she suggested. “So I know what I’ve done.”

He sighed, "When Lynn made that mistake my main goal was that you were okay. The sedatives worried me. I offered you a chance to drink some herbal tea to see Doctor Sage yet you still choose the sedative. I then read your file in more detail." He pulled out a PADD. "Let me read." He cleared his throat. "Doctor Corrigan is a good doctor." He stopped. "That is false. You are a skilled surgeon, an excellent doctor, someone who has a rare brilliance."

He looked back at the PADD and continued to read, "She has one flaw. She is self destructive, she has never dealt with the pain of her past nor does she show signs of it. She sits in a self imposed purgatory and I as her department head don't know what to do with her. I would keep her here yet I worry about her self destructiveness being something that will cost the department."

He looked up. "Those are the words of the previous CMO."

Throughout it, Carolyn had listened impassively. Showing no reaction at all. In truth she was cursing Commander Janus in every language she could think of. Pushing that aside she met his gaze. “I guess that was fair,” she conceded, “at the time.”

"Carolyn...I would like to be honest with you. Will you listen?" She had proved resistant so far.

If he had asked that question two, three months ago she'd have replied with a definitive no. So much had happened since then that it was harder and harder to keep pushing him away. “Go for it,” she said quietly.

He sighed, "I have a sister, Laga. She is not my only sister. I had another Atrian. She was vibrant, brilliant, strong. One tragedy happened in her youth that she could never overcome." He sighed walking over to the port and looking out at the stars. "She was ahead of me two years in medical school at the Academy. She would not go to counseling, she would keep it locked inside. She slept with only the aid of sedatives. She started making mistakes eventually, drinking, staying out all night. A little at a time but self destructive none the less. She felt guilty she was alive and others were not." He sighed, "One day, I came to see her because she'd missed a meeting that she would never miss." He swallowed past a lump. "She was blue, she was cold, she was not breathing. She had overdosed on the sedative."

He turned, "The very same one you use." He looked at her in the eye. "I saw my sister a few days ago, on the floor, blue, bleeding this time she lived. This time I have no intention of letting her destroy herself."

Carolyn opened her mouth to say something but stopped. She fell silent for the longest time, clearly having some internal debate with herself about what she wanted to say. This, she realised was the resemblance everyone seemed to talk about.

“I am so sorry about your sister, truly I am. And I’m sorry what happened reminded you of it,” she said finally. “But I swear to you I am not her..”

Before he could speak she held up her hands. "I know. I know it is dangerous but ... they are the only way for me sleep when the dreams get too bad. I'm trying, Hades."

"There are other ways." He said. There was a long silence. "You are ordered to seek help for Doctor Sage for the dreamless sleep. Counselor Monroe for the memories." He turned his eyes oddly misty, "I'm sorry Carolyn, I won't watch you destroy yourself. I can't. If we never let go of the past we will fail our future.”

She was about to make some sarcastic remark but the words that came out of her mouth instead was “I lied”.

He turned and looked at her. "About what?"

“I told them I didn’t remember much about that mission. About what happened to everyone. It seemed... I don’t know... kinder. Why should the families have to know how long it took some of them to die and all the horrible things they did....” she wouldn’t look at him, staring at her hands as she trembled slightly. “I never so much as stepped in a church before that day. But I prayed. A lot. And it wasn’t for rescue.”

Hades pulled his chair over to Carolyn and took her hand. "You must deal with this. You cannot numb the pain. I'm going to do everything I can to help. "

"I don't think I can," she confessed, her voice breaking as she gripped his hand tightly. "It was bad enough and now... my own father doesn't want to know me."

"I will help you, I promise you that. All the way. We'll come up with a plan. You are strong, and wise, and I know you can do this. I believe in you and all that you are."

She finally looked at him, doubt written all over her face. "How can you be so sure?"

"I am sure." He smiled. "Trust me I'm a smart man." He grinned.

He was rewarded with a smile at least. "I do trust you. I just hope I'll earn yours back."

"It will all work out. Take the rest of the day and come back in the morning ready to work."

He was caught of guard when she hugged him, something she did not do often. "Thank you for always looking out for me," she whispered. "I'm sorry I don't always appreciate like I should."

He smiled and hugged her back. "We're a team. I'll never give up on you." Not many people probably told her that but he meant it. She was so much like his Atrian. The sister he missed everyday. " Alright I got patients to see and you got rest to take. Off you go."

“Don’t work too late,” she warned, “you have a big day tomorrow.”

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