Shards and Smoke

Posted on Mon Oct 13th, 2014 @ 10:35pm by Lieutenant Colonel Jillian "Phoenix" Sullivan

2,921 words; about a 15 minute read

Mission: Mission 86 - Discovery
Location: Main Infirmary - Starbase 400
Timeline: Same time as "Shards and Shadows'

"Shards and Smoke"

Master Sergeant Jeff 'Hardcase' Duval
Lieutenant Siaxx 'Echo' Dvald
Major Jillian 'Phoenix' Sullivan

Soundtrack: Halo 3 - Wake me when you need me.

***** Level 878 - Arboretum *****

Master Sergeant Jeff 'Hardcase' Duval was really a gentle giant at heart but this was a carefully kept secret and in his life, he had kept many secrets like this one, he was visiting with one of the base medical officers in the arboretum, this was unusual but 'Hardcase' simply shrugged and went to go see what the medic wanted.

He found her kneeling before a rather large oak tree. "You requested my presence Lieutenant?" Duval inquired.

"Ahh. Jeff. yes.. I need help with a minor issue that's become a major problem and you are uniquely qualified to help me with it" Dvald rose to her feet in one smooth motion as she turned to face him.

Duval simply waited, he knew that the Lieutenant would explain what she wanted in her time and nobody else's, rushing her would simply drag this out.

"I need combat training, I want you to train me to do what you do."

Duval hasn't been surprised by the request but he was caught by surprise by the odd look in her eye, something that was related to her recent black eye he would guess. "I see... are you prepared for the kind of training I will put you through, some would say that this is a rash choice Lieutenant...."

"I've let it go too long.... I need to bulk up my training." she explained. "I want you to handle it.... would you be willing?"

Duval raised an eyebrow. "That depends if you desire peace... or revenge."

"This is about my emotional and mental stability as well as my physical health... I don't want revenge on Pho-" she paused as she almost let slip the name, the whole sentence was not lost on Duval.

"Alright... I will train you, five nights a week, you will join my beginner combat class until I feel you are prepared to join my advanced class.... you will need to learn how to set aside your compassion, your faith and your desire to help and heal others at the door.... many Doctors cannot do what I am going to ask you to do..."

"Whats that?" The Bolian inquired

"You need to be prepared to hurt others.... can you do that?"

Siaxx Dvald took only one second to think about it. "Yes." she answered
quietly.

"Very well. My class is around Eighteen hundred... most people only come once or twice a week. You will be there for all of them, I will teach you what you need to learn..."

Phoenix could barely remain still as she listened behind the rose bushes. At first she did not mean to listen in, but she did not want Siaxx to think she was following her. What was supposed to be a place for her to begin meditation from Fives' lessons, ended up being a place learning.

It broke her heart to see the fruit that grew from Siaxx and her's problems.

Duval heard a soft rustling of the bushes nearby as he turned his head. "I think we have company.."

Siaxx raised an eyebrow. "The base generates wind from several massive generators, it helps circulate the air in here..." Dvald explained. "And there are going to be a lot of people in here at any one time... I'm surprised that we were truly left alone..."

"I came here ta meditate - Not intrude," Phoenix sighed irritably and stood up and crawled out of the bushed. "I can leave if ya like."

She did not look at Siaxx. Or Duval for that matter. Too much pain from her previous conversation with Siaxx. The Bolian made it clear to her that forgiveness was not attainable, no matter how much Siaxx tried to get Phoenix out of her slump.

Duval raised an eyebrow as he kept quiet, the choice here was not for him to make.

"No." the Bolian admitted. "No, its fine... this space is not mine to keep." she commented quietly, she did not look at Phoenix as Duval quickly connected all of the dots as he raised an eyebrow. "Ladies.. this isn't the time or place for this conversation... others will notice."

The Bolian nodded. "I know..." she inhaled a lungful of air as Duval regarded the Major. "Major... Lieutenant, you two won't be able to dance around the issues forever, you will need to resolve them together or not at all.... and don't waste any more time..."

"It aint a conversation. In fact, I should go anyway," Phoenix noted too quickly, as panic was starting to set in. "Got Flight Cadet stuff ta look at."

Duval knew he shouldn't get involved as Siaxx commented. "The Sargent is right though... you and I do need to talk..."

"We did talk, if I recall my drunken state right," Phoenix spoke half-bitterly. "An' after soberin' an' forgivin' myself, you didn' wanna move on... Understandable. So if it's a repeat of our last conversation where you give me false hope an' make me debate things I don' wanna? Don' bother, Sweetheart."

OK. That was probably very tactless on her part. But Siaxx hurt her and Phoenix wanted it known just how much her words cut.

Dvald stood motionless as she processed what Phoenix was saying. "You were drunk at the time.... I wasn't sure if we could have a chat without either of us remembering what was said." she explained quietly. "What did you want me to say... ?" she added.

Duval moved off to give the two women some space so they could chat in peace.

"I want ya to hit me. Kick me. Bite me. Somethin', please, so you stop punishin' me for somethin' I already punish myself for," Phoenix sniffed, then swallowed the knot in her throat. "It's hard ta forgive myself like you want me ta, when all ya want is ta hurt me fer it."

The tall Bolian regarded the human before her. "No... my revenge would be insane... and two wrongs don't make a right." she responded quietly. "I could punch you, kick you, can call you vile names... but it won't change anything.... but I do need to learn how to defend myself... that's something I've put off for far too long.." she regarded Duval and then Phoenix. "Can you do a better job then the Master Sargent?" she inquired.

"I..." The randomness of the question threw the pilot for only a second before she answered, "There is no such thing as a perfect form, Goddess. I can teach ya some of my style though, that befits tha way you wanna fight."

Duval raised an eyebrow as the Bolian turned to him. "Sergeant, I'll still attend your classes. Send me a copy of the schedule and things that I'll need."

"Willdo. If you two will excuse me." and with that the massive man seemed to melt away into the bush as Dvald turned back to Phoenix. "A perfect form is irrelevant. I want to make the other guy sorry he ever decided to come pick on me..." she explained. "I want to make him know pain."

"A year ago, I might agree with ya," Phoenix began and timidly took Siaxx's hand into hers while they paced the massive garden. "Thing is, Goddess... Now that ya opened me ta more positive things, I don' rather much enjoy takin' folks apart as much as I used ta. Cause it's only now I realize what my savage personality chipped from me. An' I don' want that for ya."

Siaxx looked at her. "I like seeing the tamer side of you. It looks good on you." she commented. "But... I think maybe a few days off the station could be helpful.." she paused. "you can teach me better in wider spaces without rules and regulations telling us how to do it."

"I'd like that," Phoenix agreed and warmly rubbed the back of Siaxx's hand. "I wanna earn tha feelin' of you bein' safe 'round me again."

"I need to confront it." Siaxx admitted. "Having you help train me will help me."

"So where ya wanna go ta train an' reconnect?" Phoenix paused, and then redirected, "Ya wanna reconnect again, right? Cause if ya don' wanna be my girlfriend, I can keep a friendly distance too. I don' wanna make ya feel uncomfortable."

Siaxx regarded Phoenix. "Somewhere with open spaces." she responded. "Any ideas?" she commented

"I'd like ta go to a place with a strawberry farm... would be a nice date an' day, pickin' berries," Phoenix admitted sheepishly.

The Bolian blinked as she raised an eyebrow, clearly the statement had caught her by surprise. "I would never have guessed you wanted to visit a farm.." Siaxx admitted. "I'm sure there are a few planetside."

"My family were farmers before we started fightin' tha spoonheads," Phoenix reminded Siaxx with a huge grin. "It's fun ta dig in tha dirt for nice tastin' fruit."

Siaxx nodded, she had indeed forgotten that little detail. "Alright... but you're family misses you.... go spend some time around them.." Siaxx mentioned. "I know your sister wanted you to drop by."

"...It hurts ta see Mom as she is," Phoenix finally admitted with watery eyes.

Siaxx nodded her head as she regarded the other woman. "I know... but Jill... you're a pilot... I'm a Doctor and I can't help her and she considers me her other daughter..." she turned away as she closed her eyes. "I... can't help her..."

Phoenix gently engulfed Siaxx into a hug. "I'll make this whole mess right. With you. With Mom... Not sure how, but I'll go see her before we leave tha station."

"You don't need to try... just be there for her, talk to her and spend your time with her.... I can wait..." Siaxx explained. "I'm not going anywhere..."

"I don' just lust for ya, Siaxx..." Phoenix took a nervous breath as she stared adoringly into the Bolian's eyes. "I've know a long time that I've loved ya... Just was afraid ta tell ya. Cause I love how ya make me feel at peace 'round ya. So maybe you can wait, but you're my rock."

Siaxx smiled despite her mood. "I know... you bring out things in me I never knew existed." she admitted as she regarded the human woman. "I miss seeing you when you're at peace.... you're a warrior Phoenix... that's all you've ever gotten out of life... but I admit... seeing this side of you is special."

"I'll go see how Mom is doin' then," Phoenix smiled, more relaxed now that the cat was out of the bag and accepted. "Then we need ta pack, but I need ta make some errands so I'll entrust ya ta get us a shuttle an' clearance of departure?"

Dvald nodded. "I can arrange things but I will need a couple of days to get things sorted out. I too have some things I must attend to as well." she explained evenly. "Its more of my own family causing me issues... I'm the last one unmarried." she sighed.

"I didn' think you wanted that," Phoenix noted with surprise. "Never saw ya as a gal that wanted ta settle down much, really."

"I actually did want it.... but not for a long time... not since what happened on the Copernicus." she explained. "he was killed in action... he took his own life after he faced the prospect of burning to death."

Phoenix ran her left hand along the metal of her right, then moved all the way up to her shoulder where the burn scars were still there. She was too stubborn at the time to take her own life, rather than burning up in fighter. That's why she thought outside the box, and cut her right hand off to free herself from a burning furnace.

"I think he did what he did so you'd be alive. I don' think he wanted ya ta be stuck in limbo," Phoenix finally responded after she spent some time thinking about her own situation.

Siaxx looked at the other woman. "He wanted it cut and dried... " she agreed. "but if he thought by killing himself that he was sparing me pain then he was sadly mistaken." and for that one moment, she was catapulted back in time to the Copernicus and that fight with those two Jem'Hadar fighters as she regarded her friends face. Heraxx Shon before he had been sucked out of a hull breach after he had killed himself.

His death was irrelevant to the situation at hand as Siaxx shoved the emotions away with a powerful mental push. "He never told me how he felt.... he did that in a letter because he couldn't say it to my face."

"Marriage is a complicated thing," Phoenix agreed, to the long-dead male that Siaxx loved. "...Comes with expectations not a lot of guys like. Havin' a family or their own. Dealin' with in-laws. Keepin' up with finances. But fer a guy, it's the feelin' that you gotta protect your gal. An' if ya fail ta do that, it's like... well... I aint a male, but I think I sorta get it... Protectors don' like ta let all those that depend on 'em, down. Make us feel like we can' rebound or ever be accepted fer losin' your in-laws' lil' girl."

"Considering what happened... I never got over it." Siaxx admitted. "I hated him for it and... I hated myself for it too."

"Ya don' hate 'em," Phoenix corrected, out of her own realization. "Ya hate havin' ta fall in love with 'em... Cause when he left, ya never realized just how deep ya felt 'bout him."

Siaxx nodded. "It wasn't until he died when it hit me all at once.." she responded. "Fucking Cardassians.... "

"Maybe one day you'll find you wanna settle down with someone again," Phoenix noted very hopefully.

Siaxx regarded the other woman. "Maybe... I've not quite written off relationships just yet."

Just then a Bolian male passed both of them as he gave Siaxx the once over, a smile gracing her lips, Siaxx regarded the Bolian with a raised eyebrow as he passed in silence.

Siaxx crossed her arms over her chest as she looked at Phoenix. "I swear... women are so much easier to deal with at times.... they don't eye you like you were a dish..."

"I eye you sometimes," Phoenix reminded Siaxx with a playful grin. "But yes... I get your point. Still... I wanna see if we can recover this tragedy that's happened between us. Cause if not, it tells me I aint meant for marryin' folks. I don' wanna be a hit an' run."

Siaxx wondered to herself, how did they get onto the subject of marriage, she wasn't sure but she knew for sure that she was not ready for such a commitment and wouldn't be for a good while yet. "One thing at a time." Siaxx commented. "you did point something out to me with the incident in question... I need more combat training and I aim to cure that.... so the next time someone takes a swing at me. I'm going to hurt them..."

"You make the abuse ya suffered by my hands, sound OK..." Phoenix shivered in revulsion. "I aint cool knowin' I hurt ya over sometin' that could of been talked 'bout durin' pillow talk."

Siaxx raised an eyebrow. "No.." she answered. "Its not okay... that's why I need to train.. You could have thought about it first before you lost it Jill... I understand why it happened.... but I am a Doctor and my oath is something I take very seriously.... you should have known better." she gave Phoenix an acidic look. "You beat me within an inch of my life... I want training so next time... I can at least try to defend myself against that temper of yours.."

"There wont be a next time," Phoenix vexedly promised with watery eyes. "I live in agony over what I did... I'd rather off myself than lose it again."

Siaxx met Phoenix's look with one of her own. "Alright..." she admitted before gently nodding her head.

"I guess I'll go see Mom then," Phoenix sighed uneasily. "Bein' an ass aint all that fun I find, these days. Too many folk ta apologize ta when ya grow a set a morals."

"Having morals is actually a good thing." Siaxx commented. "people will thank you later."

"Aint really wanted ta try to be nicer..." Phoenix paused, smiled, and turned toward the exit. "That was until I met you."

Siaxx raised an eyebrow as she watched the human turn to leave and then turn back to her. "Well... you and I do still need to resolve them but.... your mom needs you more."

"Aye," Phoenix agreed bittersweetly.

"Alright... I will see you later.." the shapely Bolian commented with a smile. "and try to spend some time with Aryssa... "

"I'll try not ta kill tha brat." Phoenix promised with a playful laugh.

Siaxx raised an eyebrow. "That's all I ask..." she responded. "Go on.... we can sort out our various issues later.." Siaxx thought as she said it 'at least there is a later'

With that, Phoenix left, though part of her wish to stay. Being around Siaxx inspired her in ways the Bolian would probably never understand.

***** Here's where the fun begins - Anakin Skywalker *****

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