Clash of Destiny

Posted on Mon Oct 13th, 2014 @ 10:31pm by Lieutenant Colonel Jillian "Phoenix" Sullivan

2,161 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: Mission 86 - Discovery
Location: Phoenix's Quarters - Starbase 400

"Clash of Destiny"

Major Jillian 'Phoenix' Sullivan
Lieutenant Siaxx 'Echo' Dvald

Music Soundtrack: Clash of Destiny from Star Wars the Old Republic

***** Near Phoenix's Quarters - Starbase 400 *****

Lieutenant Siaxx 'Echo' Dvald was off duty but she carried her medkit on her as she made her way to her destination, Phoenix's quarters which were nearby. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a hoodie with a pair of white sneakers to round out the picture.

Siaxx rounded the corner as she raised an eyebrow. "Computer. Locate Major Sullivan."

"Major Sullivan is in her quarters." came the response.

"Okay" Siaxx reached her destination as she paused before the door, asking herself. 'You really want to do this?' her inner voice inquired of Siaxx.

Siaxx's response was simple. 'I'm here, I should see this through.' and with that, she tapped the door chime.

At first Phoenix did not answer, what with a pounding headache from too much alcohol. But with the second chime, she pushed herself off the floor, only to discover she had managed to vomit up a lot of the booze in her stupor.

"In a minute," Jill called out as she dragged herself through her messy living room and grabbed a towel to dry herself off as she went to answer the door.

Upon sliding her door open, shock was immediately in her eyes. She had not expected Siaxx, nor had Siaxx been in her quarters. Still, she waved the Bolian inside and suddenly ran into her bathroom to finish emptying the contents of her stomach.

Siaxx walked into the quarters of the other person in her life and she was not surprised to see the squalid remnants of the place but what had instantly hit her was the wave of fetid scent that hung in the air.

She looked at the rather large puddle of vomit on the deck as she raised an eyebrow before hearing Phoenix throwing up, she looked around. "What happened in here?" Siaxx called out.

"Drinkin' alone," Phoenix answered while she changed into her bathrobe. Then walked a bit wobbly out of the bathroom, through her bedroom, and into the sitting area. There she navigated over the vomit puddle and sat on the couch looking a bit confused by Siaxx's visit.

"Missed ya," the pilot began, for apologizing yet again, just felt shallow at this point to her.

"Phoenix... why do you do this to yourself?" Siaxx commented, keeping some distance between the human woman. "I mean you avoid your family and you avoid me.."

"You're afraid of me," Phoenix listed off solemnly, "My family is ashamed of me... An' I hate myself for gettin' to this point. Blowin' everthin'."

"You smashed my face in." Siaxx answered honestly. "I never thought I needed any serious combat training... but that's for me to deal with... your family is worried about you. I know your parents miss you.... so does Aryssa... in her own way."

Phoenix may have read into it, but she could not miss the fact that Siaxx was not listed as one of the loved ones that was worried.

"You taken ta raiding that twerp's wardrobe now?" Phoenix half-grinned, the held her head as it began to swim.

"No. This as a gift from my younger sister who felt I needed more then skimpy tank tops to wear. She felt it would enhance my wardrobe" she looked at Phoenix. "Aryssa doesn't take care of her clothing, her looks or herself."

"It was a joke, Siaxx," Phoenix corrected dryly, then pat the sofa next to her. "I aint gonna hurt ya. Promise."

Siaxx raised an eyebrow as she moved to the sofa before sitting down next to Phoenix. "So.. how are you doing with ..... things?"

"Not good," Phoenix answered after a long silence of thought. "Bad dreams have doubled. Drinkin' don' make me numb anymore either. An' Anan is on leave, so I dunno who ta go to for help... Wish it were a bright story for ya ta hear, but it aint. I can only hope things been better for you though."

"I only told Tressa because she was my superior officer and because I knew she could keep it to herself.... and you broke me for it." Siaxx answered quietly. "since then, I've been looking into other forms of therapy... I don't want someone to talk to... I want someone to hurt." she looked at Phoenix. "It came to me last night... in a dream you might say."

"It would have been better to talk ta me about it, before tellin' her," Phoenix pointed out in retrospect. "It hurt to hear ya talkin' to my folks. Sayin' you'd told Tressa, after tha fact... My fault for bottelin' it up."

Siaxx raised an eyebrow. "We were up half the night dealing with other things... plus you knew I was in trouble with Tressa anyway because of the scene at dinner the previous evening." she explained. "it was going to come out in the wash.... it always does.."

Phoenix nodded as she took in Siaxx's explanation. Then she bit her bottom lip in nervousness before she spoke unsteadily, "I... If I could turn back that clock, I would... You've a right ta be angry with me, an' afraid. I violated ya an' I'm.. sorry."

"I'm not angry with you." Siaxx responded. "I'm annoyed with you.... but you did point one thing out to me with that metal fist of yours..... I have become too nice to people.... relying on others to protect myself... security starts with oneself... not from others.... and I will change that..." Siaxx explained as she regarded Phoenix. "You in the meantime... need to understand that forgiveness starts with oneself... I cannot give you what you deny yourself..."

"If you were tha one that punched my face in, would ya forgive yourself?" Phoenix asked very soberly, despite the migraine.

Siaxx regarded the human woman as she considered her response, had Phoenix asked her a week ago or any other day she would have answered. 'Yes.' but today was a very different day and it was showing. "We all make mistakes Jill. I'm no Seraphim but I try to approach every situation rationally... but I could forgive myself once I accepted it."

"Makes since, I guess," Phoenix spoke, not entirely convinced.

"There is a difference between accepting something and liking something."

That actually made Phoenix reconsider some things. She hated what she did. She never denied it either. So in a way, she had accepted she was a monster. But now what?

"Help...." Phoenix spoke quietly as she answer came to her. "I can' fight the monster alone anymore. An' I want to have more control over my temper... So you can trust me again."

Siaxx gently reached around the human woman as she proceeded to haul Phoenix gently onto her lap. "There are ways to deal with the beast." she commented. "ways to... keep it at bay."

"How?" Phoenix asked longingly into Siaxx's eyes.

"Combat training, therapy, sex" Siaxx answered evenly.

"I crave beddin' ya, Goddess," Phoenix admitted with a longing sigh, "but I want ta get a handle on this before doin' anythin' else."

"I know.." Siaxx admitted. "but first... you have work to do... I will help as best as I can." the graceful Bolian said evenly.

"I can try ta help ya out sometime too," Phoenix offered. "I know I been an ass lately, but I care an' worry 'bout you too."

Siaxx regarded the woman next to her. "I know... but we both have work we need to look after..." she sighed softly. "Everyone is worried about you..... How's is Rachael's training going?" she inquired, clearly wanting to change the subject.

"Still don' like tha mind-reader, but she's got good instincts," Phoenix answered honestly.

"Its not like she actively goes into your mind and starts turning over rocks." Siaxx commented. "she probably spends more time keeping the white noise she deals with out of her own mind..."

"Why do you like to make it so hard for me to hate them?" Phoenix finally asked in resignation.

"Because I want you to look at her training objectively." Siaxx responded. "I'm not talking about all telepaths... I'm talking about Rachael specifically." she added. "I could really care less about other telepaths..."

"And what makes you think I aim ta fail her?" Phoenix asked, offended, really of such implications.

Siaxx raised an eyebrow. "I never said that... You by nature dislike telepaths." she explained. "It might factor into your training of her, besides.. if you were going to fail her then you wouldn't be training her in any case anyway..... am I right?"

"If you were guarded by telepaths that knew your ever move, you'd hate'em too," Phoenix spoke with annoyance. "Still... It aint my intent ta go easy on her. Freshmen are hazed for a reason in Academy - it prepares 'em for if they're captured. So she'll learn ta deal with it."

Siaxx nodded her head, she was never told this before. "They should have told the cadets.... it would have avoided me two reprimands.... one guy put his hands on my ass... I broke both his legs for it." she commented. "the second was another cadet backhanding me across the face, I picked up a chair and I smashed it over his back... the sounds of his screams still makes me smile."

"It's not for cadets to realize, until later on in life," Phoenix explained and hesitated a bit before she continued. "Bein' tortured aint somethin' normal folks are bred for. But hazin' has it's uses in at least short term captivity."

"Like I said.. a few tried it with me.... I landed two of them in the infirmary.."
Siaxx responded in a rather pleased tone. "What... I've stopped tolerating shit from anyone.."

"Good to know," Phoenix smirked. Though deep down she feared the day Siaxx would find her breaking point. Everyone had one, really.

Siaxx looked at Phoenix. "Is it.?" the Bolian had clearly been in a state of near constant pissed off for awhile now, it was showing too. "Phoenix...Jill... do you like living like this?" she inquired. "this place is a hovel..."

"No..." Phoenix spoke guiltily, and almost added that she would rather live with Siaxx, if not for the bruise on Siaxx's eye as a reminder of why she moved out. "I exiled myself so ta not hurt anyone though."

"Jill.." Siaxx looked at the human woman. "Stop punishing yourself needlessly... your family needs you... Your mom needs you."

Phoenix leaned in to kiss Siaxx gently on the lips, but paused only inches away from the Bolian's face. Fear. Fear of hurting her girlfriend again halted her in her tracks.

"I worry about her too," Phoenix responded quickly as a recovery while she stared into Siaxx's eyes. Deep down she truly meant it. "...An' you. An' Aryssa... Just I dunno how ta help 'em. An' I dunno how a relationship works. Just lots of stuff I gotta learn ta be of use."

"You know all you need." Siaxx responded quietly. "You don't need to say anything.... just... be there."

"I don' deserve you," Phoenix finally spoke with a sigh of defeat. "I don' get why you're here... Most folks would avoid me." And Phoenix was not sure how to accept Siaxx's forgiveness, or love, or whatever it was that led Siaxx here.

"We all make mistakes... Don't make another one by trying to atone for the first one." Siaxx explained. "It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose, that's not a failure or a weakness.... that's life... and you don't need to atone for anything..... yes you beat the crap out of me but I will get over it." the Bolian explained as she regarded the human. "Because as I said... your family needs you and you're burying yourself in here while your mom is on borrowed time... spend what time she has with her.... and your Dad and Aryssa too..."

"Very well," Phoenix agreed as she slid off Siaxx's lap.

Siaxx rose to her feet. "You can stay here or be with them.... I will wait your choice out there..." and with that she went over to the replicator as she ordered a two glasses of water, she polished one off and then brought the other over to Phoenix. "Also...It does you no good living in a place like this, you might want to clean up and have a shower.... and I will see you... soon. I hope." with that, Siaxx turned and departed quietly.

Phoenix took long sip of her water before she disappeared into the shower.

Siaxx followed the form of her would-be girlfriend as she watched in silence, her thoughts turned from pleasant to quietly and thoughtful as she releaized she had to leave now, or she never would. So she turned and departed.

***** Here's where the fun begins - Anakin Skywalker *****

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