An Apology

Posted on Sat Feb 15th, 2014 @ 9:02am by Lieutenant Colonel Jillian "Phoenix" Sullivan & Commander Tressa Brislan

1,887 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Mission 85 - Q-uality Time Aboard Starbase 400
Location: Tressa's Quarters
Timeline: After Phoenix's Meeting with the XO

To be honest, Phoenix had no idea what led her to Brislan's quarters. Her meeting with the XO went about as good as she thought. Yet there was a lingering nag when she thought about Tressa.

In retrospect, there were rumors floating about what transpired. And most of them seemed to depict Phoenix as the nasty villain that nearly drove Brislan to resign... Which was sorta true, but it was never intentional on Phoenix's part.

After careful consideration, on her way to Brislan's quarters, Phoenix surmised that if she had shared her life's story with people who weren't medical professionals, then the events unfolded might of had some Phoenix supporters (not that she wanted them knowing in the first place).

The current opinion of the station was that Phoenix was spoiling for fights... Which her personnel file was littered in fistfight altercations, so she could not really fault the station populace for assuming anything Phoenix said was dour and snide, that a fight was going to happen. And as she got closer to Brislan's home, needing to be the victim of the story wasn't really what Phoenix wanted out of all this.

Threatening the doc was probably not the smartest choice she made in the drama. Phoenix could not fault Brislan for taking safety precautions. Nor did she want to hate the doc or punish her. It was time for a truce.

"Pray there're no bratty kids here," Phoenix mumbled to herself before she straightened her pilot's jumpsuit and then put her shades on to hide her bloodshot eyes (from being slightly hungover still).

Tressa was on the couch when she heard the door chime, and completely unprepared to see Major Sullivan at her door.

"Major... Phoenix... are you ok?" she asked.

An indifferent shrug was her response. Being hungover was almost as second nature to Phoenix, as breathing was. "Wanted to talk to you, if that's all right?"

"Of course, please come in." She stepped back and motioned towards the couch, watching Phoenix carefully sit down. "I'm surprised to see you here, I really didn't think you'd want anything to do with me."

"Ruining your career by having your credentials revoked for breaking several patient rights, would make me feel good, for a time," Phoenix admitted quietly, then shook her head, "But you got a lot of pals on this station who already hate me, and would just dog me until I caved in. So screwing you over for violating me, taking away my rights as a person, and holding me captive, doesn't really fix the problem."

At that moment, Phoenix held her hand up to stop whatever it was the doc wanted to say. "My point, is that my counselor is right. Adding yet another person on my hate list does nothing but exhaust me. And I don't want the stress that comes with hating you. So I'm here to apologize for threatening you, and to call a truce."

"I don't blame you for what happened, Phoenix, and I'm sorry that I made you feel violated. I don't hate you," Tressa said softly.

Nodding felt like the only response for that. Being personable was never Phoenix's strong point, so with a small sniffle she pulled out a rather large PADD from the inside of her flight suit pocket. Then she tapped it rather nervously.

"You ever treated patients with a Living Will before?" Phoenix asked nervously. Not because of the legal document itself, but because she'd have to explain why the will was written up.

"Yes."

"I was..." Phoenix's voice felt dry all the sudden. And her heart rate rose gradually with a bit of panic. "Prison wasn't... fun for me... Was held down a lot.. just cuz they could."

"I can't begin to imagine."

"It's where I got sick, work'n tha mines," Phoenix spoke very quickly, for she was starting to get a bit dizzy and nauseated, thinking about that time of her life. "...Med techs poked us all the time... Send sick ones to the hospital, or the warden."

By this point, her eyes were watering badly behind her shades, and she could only put her head between her knees in an attempt to regain some of her composure. "'Tis why I... panicked," Phoenix explained muffledly from her knees.

Tressa put her arms around her, holding her gently. For once, Phoenix did not reject the warm gesture, but rather rocked back and forth in her seat. It was after all, the first time she was articulating in detail.

"Will states the boundaries," Phoenix sniffed as she handed Tressa the PADD. "Nothing done ta me without my say... Unless I'm not able. Then you are my Power of Attorney."

It was really the only thing Phoenix knew to do, to let Tressa know that she was willing to trust her. Even if it was by the smallest step.

The doctor took the PADD, reading it carefully. Did she really mean to do this?

"Phoenix, this is... huge," she said softly.

"If you kiss me, I may throw-up on you," Phoenix warned, right before she belched. Then sat more upright in order to get more air.

Tressa put the PADD on her lap and looked at Phoenix for a moment. "I have to add a condition."

"Feds are typically smart for making counter deals before signing," Phoenix spoke, then coughed in an attempt to loosen the junk in her chest. Sick from crying and stress, really.

"You think that no one cares about you so it doesn't matter if you hurt yourself, but that isn't true. I care about you." Tressa never took her eyes from Phoenix' as she spoke. "Not just as a physician, but as a human being. I see so much strength in you, so much determination. I admire you."

Phoenix almost corrected the doc. In truth, she hurt herself because she felt she deserved it. Her parents, serving the rest of their lives in prison, was her fault. And punishing herself was the only thing she knew to keep her guilt from festering.

"I want you to come to counseling with me. I need to learn to control my emotions because I never want to lose it with a patient again, it still breaks my heart that I yelled at you," the doctor said, her voice trembling. "Can we try to help each other?"

Bafflement. Phoenix sat there in complete bafflement because someone on this station actually liked her. Then again, the pilot did start to feel remorse for the doc. Knowing she put such a good person in a frame of mind that made Tressa question everything.

Counter interrogation was something Phoenix did as easily as breathing. And normally got the results she wanted without feeling remorse. Mostly because Phoenix made the bad guys crumble emotionally, and got a large enough drop on the bad guy to injure or kill them and escape. This time, she took a true good guy apart and it felt wrong.

And what made it worse, was that Tressa wanted a friendship with Phoenix. Did not blame the pilot one bit. How did you tell someone so innocent, that you purposefully forced them to question themselves, just to compromise their sanity? And out of spite at that!

"I'm already in mandatory sessions with the station's shrink... and you want couples therapy on top of that?" Phoenix finally answered as she gave the doc a skeptic look.

"I don't want to hurt anyone ever again," Tressa said softly. She was fighting tears again as the shame overcame her. "I became a doctor because I want to help people, I need to help people. Patients always trust me, their families trust me. But you didn't trust me."

"I don't trust anyone," Phoenix mumbled to herself.

"Why should you have? You were never my patient before and I never imagined that you had been abused by doctors, that you might see what I was doing as harmful to you. It hurt my pride that you didn't trust me and that... that is something I just have to learn to accept. That's why I want you in counseling with me, you can't be the only person to have suffered this and I can't abide the thought of being that monstrous again. Because it wasn't your fault." Her dark eyes watched the blond woman for a long moment. "It wasn't your fault."

"The XO would disagree," Phoenix spoke with a half-grin. "I'm an ass. It's my coping mechanism to deal with the things I've been through... Part of being an ass, is bringing others down so they wont want to be around me. So you done nothing wrong."

"Maybe we can help each other," Tressa said softly.

"I'm not good with people or friendships, but we can try this therapy thing," Phoenix shrugged as if she had nothing better to do.

"The only way to get better at something is to do it," Tressa said. "May I ask, how are you feeling? Have you had any pain since you were discharged?"

"Nothing like before," Phoenix answered with a bit of unease. "But I'm also hungover, so that accounts for a lot."

"Are you able to urinate without pain? Any muscle aches?" the doctor asked as she stood up and walked towards the replicator.

"Burns a bit when I piss, but nothing bad," the pilot answered as she pulled her shades off. Immediately she flinched from the lights. "My prosthetic's servo actuators are getting old though. Sometimes they short circuit or seize up with sparks. Sometimes they jam up my thumb joint."

Tressa nodded, "Yours is an older model, there are better prosthetic's available now with leak-proof bearings. One model only needs serviced once a year. Orange and cranberry with ice," she said to the replicator. "Can I get you a drink?"

"Anything that'll help with the need to upchuck," Phoenix answered as she shook her head. "I know I drank too much at the party last night... Sorry."

"Computer, ten grams of Tigan Oral, authorization Brislan theta-tau-five-nine-one, and a ginger beer with ice," the doctor said. A pill and a drink began to appear next to her juice. "Don't get excited, ginger beer is non-alcoholic," she said with a teasing smile.

"I don't crave alcohol all the time. Just usually when I get off shift," Phoenix admitted none too proudly as she accepted the soda and pill. Then downed the pill with the soda. "And I guess I have put off getting a new prosthetic mostly because it's a fairly long downtime of physical therapy."

"The nerves need time to recognize the new prosthetic but physical therapy should be minimal. Your brain and muscles already know how to use it." Tressa sat down again with her drink. "I'm glad you came by," she said.

"I'm knew to communing with folks, so I've no clue what I'm supposed to do now," Phoenix admitted after a long pause of deep thought.

"That's the easy part, I think. Now we just spend some time together," Tressa said with a smile.

Phoenix gave the bravest half-smiles possible, for she knew this was new territory for her that would take a long time to adjust to.

---

Lieutenant Commander Tressa Brislan
CMO, SB 400

Major Jillian "Phoenix" Sullivan
CAG, SB400

 

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