Probation

Posted on Mon Dec 10th, 2012 @ 2:15am by Lieutenant Vid-Lotilija & Commander Tressa Brislan

1,225 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: Mission 80 - Outpost
Location: Sickbay
Timeline: Current

The doctor idly swirled the last of her mocha before draining the cup. She picked the padd up again, and reread the tab marked "Classified."

“Lieutenant Lotilija is to be monitored regularly by the attending physician, in conjunction with appropriate Security, in consideration of her conviction for malicious destruction of pharmaceutical endeavors and enterprises throughout Federation space. Regular and solicited reports will be required in addition to unscheduled visits as deemed necessary by the Court.”

A message flashed on her terminal, "Lieutenant Vid-Lotilija is in Exam 3."

After talk with Vice Admiral T'Lar, Vid-Lotilija decided to report to sickbay. Sometimes it's just plain easier to obey the rules than to break them, this was one of those things that will not go away and running from it may just be more of annoyance than submitting to regular testing.

Tressa took the padd with her as she left her office.

"Good day, Lieutenant," she said, extending her hand. "I'm Doctor Brislan, we'll be doing your physical evaluation today."

Vid-Lotilija was looking at the doctor thinking 'and in few weeks and few weeks after that and at regular 3 weeks intervals till somebody decide there's enough of poking poor El-Aurian', but instead offered her her nicest Cheshire cat smirk. "Yes Doctor!" After a short chuckle, somewhat more seriously. "Where do you want me?"

"On the biobed, please," Tressa replied. "How are you feeling today, any pain or discomfort?"


"I'm just a little tired, but that can be due to all the excitements last few days. Mind that I received the transfer 5 days ago; moved here, barely found quarters, attended briefing, returned to quarters for far too short a sleep and went to mission that can be called bloody." Smiling apologetically. "Think it's strange to be tired?"


"You are 275 years of age, in the prime of life Lieutenant," Tressa said as she ran a vitals scan. "I'm reading a slight heart murmur, have you been told of that? I didn't see it in your record."

"I don't remember having anything of a kind, but I'm not the best person to ask. I don't remember approximately 100 last years of my life, so I can have that for a long time. I can't say that I was not a person who would be hiding such a thing, to be honest. People change a lot in just few years and I had 100. " Vid-Lotilija shrugged. Every time she was thinking about that it was hard for her. She lost big part of her life and that bothered her. She was listening to her logs, both personal and professional and it was always hard for her to believe she changed so much.

"Yes, that was noted in your record. You have no memory of that time whatsoever? People in coma sometimes have memories of what is said to them, even though they are unable to respond."

"I understand reluctance of people to believe I may not remember it all. I don't believe I could forget a birth of my children. Can you even guess how unsettling it is when you don't feel for your blood, because they don't feel like yours?" She was watching doctor with fire and sadness in her eyes, while her tight sealed mouth couldn't stop trembling. "I don't know who I am."

Tressa touched her arm gently. "I cannot imagine such a loss, Lieutenant. Have you been in counseling?"

Vid-Lotilija shuddered almost violently. "Far too much of it for a short time I awoke from coma. In this case, counseling will help... but not so fast. I need time to get used to what happened to be able to react to it." She turned to face the doctor. "I'm not sad, hurt or in whatever kind of constant emotional pain." She swallowed hard, looking somewhrere through the woman in front of her and somewhere in the distance. "I'm shocked."

"Shocked, that's an interesting word to use," Tressa said.

"Because nobody really believed me that I have this specific amnesia, I was showered with huge amount of information. They wanted to get me react on any of it to prove I'm lying." Vid-Lotilija opened her mouth several times, then closed them and open again as will start talking, but looked as couldn't find words or even the idea to make an explanation

"Can you remember a time when you felt like yourself? When you lived normally, a time before thie stress?"

"Normally? I don't know." Vid-Lotilija thought for a moment. "For my old self, the one I remember, one younger and wilder, I would hide. Hot shower was often place for that and cry till I get all the anguish out. I didn't cry at all since I awoke from coma. There is not one thing that may start it, that would make me cry and throw it out, but it's always such a myriad of emotions that it choke me and turn numb before I even start." A shadow of a smile formed on her face again. "What this new me I have still to get to know do, I don't know. She's obviously stronger, who knows did she ever cry?"

"You cannot compare yourself now, the woman you are, to the woman you were. Expecially since you don't remember being who you were. You must build a life now. None of us are stagnant, we all change as we age, in a sense we become new as we learn and share experiences."

"I believe you will benefit from regular counseling, Lieutenant. Give yourself a chance to be.... you."

"I am me, the oldest I ever was, eccentric as El-Aurians tend and should be." She Chuckled shrugging with a wide smile. "May be strange to hear, but I'm happy with my life. No matter the probation and order to do "my time" as an officer, that's what I like and want. That it wasn't for my need to find a father of my child, for whom I know is dead and buried now, I would join Starfleet instead of returning to Romulus. It is strange to watch pictures of my baby I carried in my hands just yesterday as grown up man and I feel a loss because I missed him growing up, but I'm truly happy for who and where I am."

"That is good to hear. I think the counselor would want to hear that, too," Tressa said with a grin. "Would you lie back please?"

"Sorry." Vid-Lotilija lay down and let the doctor work. "Here you go."

The full scan lasted only a moment. As the results downloaded to the padd the doctor realized a vaccine booster was due, and she administered the hypo.

"You are looking well and healthy Lieutenant," she said as the woman sat up on the bed. "The booster was all you need for today, and I will let Counselor Dallas know to expect your visit."

"I'll make an appointment with counselor as soon as settle down, a day or two." Seeing a look on doctor's face she chuckled. "I promise. I really, really mean it."

"Excellent. I will see you in 30 days, then."

Vid-Lotilija jumped off the bed. "So fast?" She was teasing the doctor, but knew of the orders and just shook her head. "Yes, I know. Will be back in a month." With a bow she left the sickbay.

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