Professional Demeanor

Posted on Sat Feb 1st, 2014 @ 5:43am by Commander Tressa Brislan & Admiral Deela T'Lar

1,000 words; about a 5 minute read

Mission: Mission 85 - Q-uality Time Aboard Starbase 400
Location: Vice Admiral T'lar's Office

Tressa had just left Phoenix's room in post-surgery. She walked briskly hoping that no one would notice the tears streaming freely now. She bypassed her office, tossing her labcoat on a chair and going out the back door towards the Medlabs.

How could you do that? she thought angrily. Unforgiveable! She didn't think about where she was going but a few moments later she was standing outside T'Lar's door. She tried to pull herself together but gave up and rang the chime.

T'Lar called out, "Enter." When she saw who it was, she coud sense how upset she was, "Tressa. What's wrong?"

"Admiral, I... I lost it on a patient."

Deela motioned to a seat, "Sit down and tell me what happened."

The doctor sat down and put her face in her hands, trying to gather her thoughts. When she spoke her voice was soft and her eyes seemed focused on something far away.

"I had a patient come in for a regular check-up. Patient had three broken ribs and a broken wrist, a severely damaged bladder and urethra due to an untreated interspecies sexually transmitted disease, and when I ran chem and blood count panels the results were... strange. We found a rare blood poison which affects multiple tissues including the brain and spinal cord. Oh, and untreated PTSD. I've never had a patient with such a severe diagnosis. Never." She looked up at Deela.

"Go on."

"I rebuilt the urethra before we got the blood test results. When we figured out the blood poison, the patient got scared, I could see it... I explained what we had to do. Patient freaked out, made a threat... the computer called a code but before Security showed up I used a paralytic. It was a call, I thought it was the better option." She was shaking now, fighting tears.

"This patient...this patient has nothing, Admiral. Nothing but hatred for the Cardassians, and pride. NOTHING!" she shouted desperately. "Came to me broken, infected, poisoned.... I paralyzed, stitched, and dialyzed. Then I yelled, for no reason but my own pride," she said softly, as the tears came again.

Deela stood up and walked over to Tressa. She kneeled down and put her hand on hers, "Tressa, you did what you needed to do. I won't fault you for that."

"How many people have trusted me with their health, their loved ones, their innermost secrets? Oh yes, I know them all and I would never betray, never ever.... pregnancies, std's, cancers, breakages...I get them all. But you know what I never get? A patient who doesn't trust me. This patient didn't trust me and it hurt, and I proved the patient right. I can't be trusted."

"Tressa." Deela looked into her tear filled eyes, "If I may ask, who was this patient?" She knew that she'd hear about it sooner or later but she didn't want to know later, after the complaint came in.

"Major Jillian Sullivan. I... I think I have to resign." The doctor's eyes were wide as she whispered, "I feel like a monster."

Deela wasn't surprised, "Tressa, you are not a monster and you will NOT resign. Between you and me, she has been trouble since she arrived. She hates everyone and like you said, trusts no one. I don't see anything that you could have done differently. What is her condition now? Is she stable?" Deela could feel her pain.

Images swarmed; her scans and vitals were..."Good, her condition was good. She just finished the first round of chelation and I gave her twenty micro grams per deciliter which is heavy, but her blood count was so high and I know she'll never come back..." her voice trailed off then her eyes found Deela's again. "It is my duty to protect the weak and for all her spitfire this woman was in so much pain for so long, she was so broken..."

"I knew of her PTSD." Deela stood back up and moved to her chair once again, "I could sense that there was something more but I couldn't identify what it was. What amazes me though, is that this wasn't caught when she came to serve here on the base. Everyone is required to have a physical." Deela suspected that she was cleared for duty by a Marine doctor. They seemed to stick together.

"I don't know, and some of her ailments have been untreated for years. It doesn't excuse my behavior, I never should have yelled at her." Tressa was quiet for a moment. "I've never done that before."

"We've worked together for a long time and you are right, you have not. So you lost it. It will not be the first time and it will not be the last. You need to stop beating yourself up over it and forgive yourself."

The doctor's stomach twisted into another knot. "I don't know how to fix this."

"What exactly do you feel needs fixing?" She wanted to see where her mind was at?

"How... how can she ever forgive me?" Tressa asked softly. How can I ever forgive myself? "I can't go back, what if I do it again?"

"Oh Tressa, Tressa. I don't know one person who has not lost their temper at one time or another. I have even been guilty if it myself. There are some people that you just can't reason with...especially Sullivan. She makes me crazy as well and that isn't easy to do either."

The doctor nodded slowly. "Thank you for listening to me, Deela. Maybe I just need to take a break," she added.

"That is a good idea. Get things in perspective." Deela stood up, "I'm glad you came and talked to me. We should do this more."

Tressa stood as well. "Yes, we should," she said as she walked towards the door. "It's good to know I have someone to talk to."

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