T'Lar's Thoughts

Posted on Sun Feb 12th, 2023 @ 5:05pm by Admiral Deela T'Lar

516 words; about a 3 minute read

It's 2399 and no Jack...

It's been over a year since Jack was taken. I still don't know if he's alive or...dead. I think that if he was dead, I'd know it. When Jim and Vincent died, I knew it. I felt it. I haven't felt anything yet which makes me believe he is still alive.

Starfleet has been dragging their heels. Why won't they let me find him and bring him back? I have the proof that his mirror counterpart took him. He has no twin brother so that is the only conclusion. Why he'd take him, I have no idea. That son of a...! Sorry. Was it just to get back at him? Who knows.

Sometimes I watch everyone walking around, doing their duties and existing without a care in the world. Me? All I think about is Jack and wonder if he's being tortured, if he's all alone or being brainwashed. I have no closure. Bremer got closure, others got closure but what have I got? No one seems to notice that I'm preoccupied all the time or that I'm hurting. Not even Bremer. I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize myself. The Vulcan veneer part of me is what used to get me through whatever the situation was that dealt with the emotional part of me. That part of me is only a memory. All that training my father did was a waste. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I miss him so much. I have never been a crier or someone who lets anything upset her. That person is gone.

So now what? With my hands tied, I can't do anything to find him. Is my career in Starfleet more important than a human life?! He's my husband, my Imzadi. Wait! I have a ship of my own! What is stopping me from taking that ship and going to the alternate universe to rescue Jack? The temptation is great. But knowing Jack, he wouldn't want me to look for him. So, I won't. Not yet.

Hmm. What would I tell someone that is going through what I am? Oh yes, I would tell them to talk to a ship's counselor. I have only one person that I trust and she's not here. I think I'll contact her and get her to come. She owes me one anyway.

So now, I need to walk out that door, get back out there and do what I am supposed to do. I'm finding it hard though. I'd like to go to my quarters and just stay there and NEVER come out but I can't. And I still have kids to take care of. I need to be there for them which is very hard to do being that I'm such a mess right now. But life goes on. And I have a job to do. So, I'm going to walk out there and do my duty.

As for Jack? Maybe he'll find a way to get back to me. That's my only hope and prayer.

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