Letters to Nicole I

Posted on Tue Jun 26th, 2018 @ 4:22pm by

762 words; about a 4 minute read

Braxton walked into his Marine Medical office. He dropped his bag on the floor having spent time with the General. He sat down and typed out a message to the Sticky Nicky and the rest of the group asking for help. He received a reply almost immediately and didn’t question the quickness of the response.

Sighing he walked over to his desk and dumped out the inbox items on his desk. He tossed the now empty box to the side and shook his head at the day. He walked over to the replicator, “Peppermint Tea, hot.” He waited for the hum of the replicator and watched as the shimmering particles formed a clay like mug with steaming hot mint tea. He inhaled the comforting sent and picked up the mug wrapping his hands around it.

He thought back to Nicole and the day that passed as well as the one to come. When they were first married he and Nicole had a bargain. They would write one another every day at the end of the day and then find clever way of sticking notes for the other to find the next morning, in lunch boxes, in books. He’d kept all her paper notes in a special box to preserve them. When she died he’d never stopped writing her. Instead of letters he now recorded messages to her, messages he’d never send. That saddened him.

It was that time again. He set the mug down and typed in his personal access code on his desktop computer. =/\=Personal Log recording..=/\=

The mechanical voice chimed its readiness.

He took a deep sign sigh and began, “My dearest love, another hard day. A day that…” his voice broke and he had to swallow several times to get his emotions under control. “A day that I want to forget. I don’t even want to get into the hell of sickbay. There is a doctor hell bent on pushing my buttons. I remember you used to say keep your cool above all but this is ridiculous.”

He looked out the little window seeing the stars. “I was all ready to go home when she came in.” He took a breath in shaking his head, “Nikki you should have seen her, she…she looked like you. She didn’t have your golden curls, she didn’t have your amazing Vulcan ears nor did her eyes shine like yours but she was you. Betazoid and damn near three months pregnant. Twins.” He said the last word as if his mouth was filled with sandpaper. He stopped and drank his tea. It took several deep moments and deep breaths before he could continue.

“I miss you every. Single. Day. There are days, “ he scrubbed his hand down his face, “that I feel like I’m the walking dead. I haven’t eaten in two days, I haven’t slept in a week. I keep having these nightmares. I keep seeing it over. I was on the bridge, telling the XO I was going to engineering and then I wake up in the shuttle. I feel like…I’ve lost something, like every single time I get close to uncovering something my brain hurts. I get a blinding headache and the more I try the more intense it gets."

He let out a shuddered breath as he stared at the stars. “I just…” Startled he looked down at his hand grasping the cup he held and was surprised to find a drop of water on his thumb. Setting his cup down, he again raked his hand over his face and then realized that his hand was wet. He swiped his cheeks erasing the wet tracks from his eyes. Marines didn’t cry. He stopped the log with the hit of a few buttons and then stomped over to the sink in his bathroom. Splashing cold water on his face he reached for the hand towel and dried his face without looking in the mirror.

Settling down and waiting a good ten minutes to continue he started the log again, “I need to avoid this woman. She’s too painful to be around. Back to work my love. Tell Xander and Xandra I love them. You have my heart love.” He closed out the letter and stood. He thought about his twins, a boy and a girl, that were never born. He’d named them the names he and Nicole had chosen and they too now lived in his heart.

Braxton turned just as his door chimed. “Enter…”

RSS Feed