Reflections on what was...is...will be

Posted on Fri Aug 26th, 2016 @ 4:36pm by Commander Hades,MD

986 words; about a 5 minute read

[ON]

Hades had just finished his treatment of Caison and a few other minor issues. He walked over to the bio bed that had just been vacated by a rather large Vulcan. This one had a condition that looked like shingles in humans. Open soars and blisters. It had taken a long time to treat them all and to apply the balm that would ease the man’s discomfort.

Hades took off the gloves tossed them ran his hands through the sanitizer and put on a second pair of gloves so he could sanitize the bio bed. It took only moments and when he was done he just cleaned his hands and headed back to his office. It took a few moments for him to get his tea and settle into his chair. “Computer. Begin personal log dated today.”

He waited for the chirp before he continued.

“Hades Personal log. What a week! We had a little field trip and saved some Romulans. S’Ten passed away. He was a good friend and I haven’t had a chance to mourn. Lai’lira, his half-sister is doing well. Braxton has taken on most of her care. I’ve hired a few Nausicans to be her bodyguards when he cannot. So things are going well there and I will be able to keep my promise to S’Ten and keep her safe.

Brax is my other issue. I’m worried about him. The anniversary of Nicole’s death is coming and he gets more and more withdrawn. I just worry that his nightmares will return. I barely pulled him out of his depression the last time. He has been here a few days and he made a comment to me that I didn’t think I would hear in a million years. He said that he felt isolated. Apparently he doesn’t feel the closeness and bond he did with Sticky Nicky’s company. I told him it takes time but I don’t think he believes me. It’s another worry on my mind. He is doing well in his classes so I guess that’s something to feel good about.

What else…so much and I don’t know where to start. I’ve made friends with Admiral T’Lar. I really admire her. She has an emotional balance that I strive for and I hope to ask her to teach me her meditation techniques or her secret to emotional balance. I sure as heck need help.

My co-workers are great. Each an expert in his or her field. Really a pleasure to know. Dr. Raya, the newest addition…we’ll she was on leave but new to me. She is sent by the gods. She is a hard worker and I watch her technique and her drive she will go far. I actually was going to ask her to be my doctor. I can’t ask Dr. Thr’elanon.

Now him. What do I do about Shrivol? We started out so well working well with one another and somewhere along the lines thing changed. I find myself avoiding him now. Not because of something he did but because I cannot bare to be around him. I find that I am developing feelings for him and it scares me. Every look, every touch, every smile is analyzed by me to death and I cannot for the love of me stop myself from just…yearning to be with him.

Yesterday I almost kissed him. What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if he gets angry with me when he finds out how I feel? I’ve written my resignation hundreds of times now. A plan B if you will. I always seem to make a butt of myself in front of him. I do foolish things well…except when we’re working. I can concentrate but I am aware of his presence. I feel all jumbled. With the pool and how my body reacted to him, with today’s burn treatment and balm application that had me running half way through I just don’t know what to do. Computer pause”

Hades rose and walked over to the replicator refilling his cup of tea.

Computer resume recording. So yeah things are tough. I know that Starfleet policy is such that they uphold all rights and guarantee all rights but I wonder how it will affect those around us if we were to be in a relationship. How would the staff view it? Would it be disruptive? I just don’t know. I bloody well feel confused and tired.

The other issue is Shrivol’s health. I know that my avoiding him is adding stress to him and he wants to figure out why his friend has all of a sudden been running from him. The more stress the worse his muscle condition gets. I have been working on something but so far the tests have not been what I want to see. At most the formula I have been working with will extend his good days. I guess it’s a start but…I want to cure him. I want him to be able to live a fully happy life without worrying about his muscles shutting down on him.

Now I’m doing okay but I haven’t been getting much sleep so I have decided to do something I haven’t in a long time. I used to be the King of Trapeze and I will try to book a holo suite to take some rink time. I’ll try for today but if not then tomorrow. Maybe that will clear my head and let me relax a bit. Computer end log.”

Hades got up finished his reports and headed out. It was time to sleep. It had been a long day so far.

[OFF]

Dr. Hades, ACMO

Starbase 400

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